Learn to break up gracefully !
Yes, learn to break up gracefully When you become convinced
that a dating relationship is not what you want, you must take the responsibility
of ending it...it is possible that you might have this person as a friend
in the future !!
Face the facts !
So it's over...accept it !! Don't go into...we were so happy...we
can work it out...we were perfect for each-other...etc etc. Your partner was
not happy. You probably became too comfortable in the relationship !! Driven
by innate loneliness, desperation, false hopes or what so ever reasons you
chose that one particular person... and it is difficult to admit that you
are at fault !!
Why should you feel bad about being alone ?? Don't you like
yourself ? If not, why not? Try to be comfortable with yourself . To love
somebody you have to first love yourself !! Spend time with yourself...take
this time to get re-acquainted with yourself !!
Be sensitive of the timing !
There is never a "perfect" time for a breakup but
use your common sense. Break the bad news gently at the best possible time
!! Don't drop the bombshell on the day your girlfriend flunks her maths exam,
or on the birthday of your boyfriend...or worse still on the day on your anniversary
!! If you know the breakup is going to be emotionally painful for the other
person (which it usually is), choose a time when your soon to be ex has friends
around who can provide moral support...you definitely own this much to your
Be truthful !
Be truthful - but not brutally truthful. This is not a liar
detector test and you really don't have to try and justify your actions by
listing out "101 Reasons I Don't Want to Date You Anymore." Many
of your reasons may appear shallow to the person being rejected...so please
be sincere while giving out your reasons !! Don't argue over insignificant
matters... just clearly state your reason for wanting out in such a way that
arguing is unnecessary...it is tougher than you think !! There is no easy
way to do this... you gotta do what you gotta do !!
Use "I" and not "You" !
Do not adopt an accusing tone while stating your reasons. An
"I-message" indicates that you are taking responsibiliy for the
breakup of the relationship, while a "you-message" accuses the other
person. Notice the difference between, "I am not fit to be your boyfriend/girlfriend...you
deserve somebody better !!" versus "You are not fit to be my girlfriend/boyfriend...I
deserve somebody better !!"...got it ?? Wear an armour if you plan to
use the second statement...or else you just might end up getting killed !!
Do it right !
Break up face to face...scared ?? At least have the guts to
face the person you are breaking up with...this shows respect. Breaking up
over the telephone, where you can discuss the situation together, is the next
best way...that is if you don't have enough decency to do it face to face
!! DON'T even consider writing a letter...this kind of stuff is only done
in the movies !! And please...please...please don't ask someone to do your
dirty work for you...this will only add insult to injury... and you really
don't wanna do that !!
Be thoughtful !
Thoughtfullness...you will need a lot of that in a situation
like this !! It's a good idea to cushion your breakup by telling the other
person what the relationship has meant to you. Mention a few of the person's
admirable traits...it can be as insignificant as ...I love the the way you
glare at me... I really valued our friendship ... I love your sense of humour...this
will make things seem a little less harsh !!
Be considerate and cushion the blow as much as possible. Remember
the Golden Rule to treat others as you would want to be treated !! Put yourself
in the other persons shoes and you'll know exactly how to act !!
Keep yourself busy !
Get down to doing the stuff you never thought you'll get time
for !! Not that you have any extra time now, but it will surely seems like
it... Update your web-page, clean your house ( doesn't sound very appealing
?? but this really works !!) , write a novel, play video-games,try your hands
on pottery,paint your house or redo your room...try your hands on anything
and everything that takes your fancy...just be constructive !!
Get a life !
Get out of the house...get a life !! Meet people...catch up
with friends...irrirate your relatives...give everyboby ,who features in your
phone book a call, if you have to...but meet more people...interact with real
people and not just the assorted creatures in your room...get the picture
Therapy and social service
Jot down all of your well meaning thoughts into words. Then
do them! Hey...you can even open a dumped counseling centre...it was just
a thought !!
Don't fall apart !
Yes, easier said than done... take a deep breath... smile (even
a smile lookalike will do). No point wasting precious energy over a loser
who can't differentiate the god from the bad...right?
If at the time of the breakup you are too hurt or angry to react
calmly, try to avoid saying something you'll regret later. Remember...if speech
is silver then silence is golden !!
Don't do something foolish !
DO NOT try to gulp down stuff which is not edible by humans
( for e.g.. rat poison or any kind poison for that matter!!) .Taking sleeping
pills in bulk is also a complete NO NO. I also do not recommend jumping off
buildings or getting run over by cars !! In short life is precious (even more
precious than water !!)...Use it wisely.
Don't turn bitter !
If you do that you will commit psychological suicide. You are
hurt and angry and you say hateful things and assassinate you ex's character
but in the process you are also traumatizing yourself...trust me, the best
thing to do is to get a life...don't give the farthead so much importance
Don't beg and grovel !
This is something you just CANNOT do. You really don't want
to be impulsive and lose all your 'swaabhimaan'...do you?
No matter what you think, you can live without that person. Keep telling yourself
that. And if you still see no harm in begging and groveling then you are a
retarded masochist for sure !!
Don't hide in your cocoon!
When you're hurting, you need friends who understand you...talk
to them...it helps !! Do all the silly things that you never seemed to have
time for before.Take time